This week sees me feeling quite emotional.
On Friday, I received an email from our divorce lawyer advising us of the court date to finalise our divorce. It is happening this week Friday. In a way it will be good to be finalised, and I can get on with my life. But in another way, it will be the official end of my marriage. It will all be final. The end of an 18 year relationship.
Although we are getting divorced, my (ex) husband and I get on really well. Like, really well. We still do stuff together, and he still visits my house every day. He comes in the morning and walks my daughter to school; and fetches her after school and brings her home. We still do family stuff like go for dinner together and have braais at home. It is really weird for other people, and hard for them to understand; but that’s fine, because it works for us. We have been getting on better now than we were before we started divorce proceedings, and he is really being there for me as you would expect any best friend would be. He is being the most supportive person through this tough time, while ironically also being the person that is causing all this pain.
On Friday evening, though, we had a huge fight. I had gone out to a braai with friends, and when I got home, he was parked in the garage, where my car usually sleeps. His work van was in the other driveway, so there was nowhere for me to park. I was quite irritated, because he wasn’t supposed to be at my house, never mind parked in MY parking place. Once he eventually left, we threw a couple of mean messages at each other, but luckily we eventually sorted things out.
I have been looking to buy a duck down jacket. One of our local shops was having a winter sale, so I went to have a look. They had 3 different jackets that I liked. I tried the ladies jackets on in the biggest sizes I could find, but they were still not big enough. The one jacket that sort of did fit wouldn’t close around my boobs. Women have boobs. Surely a women’s jacket should be a bit bigger around the boob area?! Or am I wrong here?? I got extremely irritated and left without a jacket. (At least I did manage to get some great gym socks on sale!) This irritation added to my emotional state, and I had a good cry when I got home.
All this emotion was too much for me, and after my cry, I just wanted to eat. I craved Nik Naks, chocolate cake, and chocolate. I wasn’t hungry, but I wanted to eat. The whole afternoon. Normally, I would dive into my daughter’s treat box. But I fought myself. And I won! I stuck to my eating plan, and eventually the cravings passed.
Today I’ve just realised something. Mutual friends of mine and my (ex) husband, just confirmed what I’d always been thinking, and it’s not helping my emotional state. I always thought that they were not really my friends, and only invited me out because they wanted him there, and that I was part of the package. Although he has told them multiple times that we are still (really good) friends, still do stuff together, and that they still need to include me, they don’t seem to understand. Or they just don’t want to. There is a big party taking place next weekend, and I was not invited. I’m not sure why this is affecting me so much, but I am really hurt. Its fine, I can just add this to my ‘things to cry about’ list. That’s the way I’m feeling at the moment.
Anyway. Here’s to a new week. I hope that it is less emotional than the last one!